Did I lose my best friend to gain a great father...

Sixteen months down the line - we have a beautiful, bold, happy, active little girl. I thought this is all I wanted...

When we found out we were having a girl, my husband was nervous. He was wondering how he would be a girl dad and how he would connect with a little one. Worried about all those things he didnt know as a man about a little girl and worried that he wouldnt step up to the mark.

Fast forward, a natural girl dad - learning how to care for her, cuddle her, throw her around and teach her to be fierce. He is a great father and he strives to be better every day....surely I have nothing to complain about.

I feel like I've lost my husband - we're both back at work, the household chores are staring us down, its a rush to do everything in between pick ups, drop offs, swimming lessons and soft plays. I miss our connection, I miss our relationship, I miss giggling over something stupid, I miss late night chats about hypotheticals that may never happen.

I feel so happy for my daughter to have a strong, positive male role model in her life but inside I'm cut up that I've lost the love of my life.

Motherhood is lonely, everyone goes on about being a team but some things are lost and it can be bittersweet. I dont want to be that mum that complains about her husband but where is my outlet, where is my support and where are the arms that held me tightly.

We are slowly rebuilding, finding little points of connection, finding our love outside parenthood again but its so far from the honeymoon phase at the beginning of a relationship - its proper work.....in addition to all the other work. Time will tell if the loneliness with fade and the spark will come back.

Message to other mothers:

Its lonely - and sometimes the person closest can feel the furthest away. You're definitely not alone. Stay positive and find the moments of connection.