My Journey as a Stepmum When I Had My Own Baby : Prue
Being a stepmum brought its own unique challenges. When I found out I was pregnant, the kids had mixed reactions. My stepson was sad because he wanted to be the only boy, and my stepdaughter really struggled with the news—of course, she wanted a sister!
Due to a tough birth, I had to stay in hospital longer than expected. This meant that during the two days we had the kids that week, they had to stay with their mum. Just two days into having our baby, my husband's ex sent him a message saying he was already prioritising our baby over the other kids, which really upset him—and me as well. In that moment, I found myself encouraging him to leave me and spend time with the kids, even though I desperately needed him by my side.
When I finally got home, my stepdaughter said I had changed a lot. She asked why I wouldn’t put the baby down to spend time with her. Meanwhile, my stepson seemed to cling to his dad. They loved their baby brother, but his arrival definitely made an impact on their lives. My husband and I were juggling kids' clubs, school pickups, playdates, swimming practices, night feeds, work, and just trying to maintain some kind of routine.
Yet, as time went on, I noticed that the baby brought so much joy to the kids. I realised that the change was actually good. I had been putting unnecessary pressure on myself and overthinking everything. Being a step-parent can feel isolating, especially since many of my mum friends were navigating this for the first time, without any other children. Taking my 8- and 9-year-olds to a coffee morning with newborns just didn’t seem to work.
During our holiday, my husband tried to compensate for the older kids, which ended up leaving me alone with the baby most of the time. The only moments we had together were at night when the kids were finally asleep—and by then, I was ready for bed too.
It made me sad to realise that what I thought would bring us closer sometimes pushed us apart. Nonetheless, I hold onto the hope that this journey, with all its ups and downs, will ultimately strengthen our family bonds.
I did resent being part of a different family setup at times, and my confusion about my role as a stepmum changed. The kids, who used to hug me, talk to me, and laugh with me, just seemed to hate me. I probably used my love for our son to feel better, becoming even more adoring of him to cope with it all.
As our son got older and started to interact more with the older kids, they really began to bond with him, and what used to be started to come back. We all began to laugh again, and I finally started to feel like I was not failing as a stepmum—something I had felt deeply for about 12 months. I worried I had become the wicked stepmum from a Disney movie, and when I went to school pick-ups, other mums were judging me, thinking I was that person.
On my second Mother’s Day, I received a card from the older two, which was so special. I had been in their lives for so long, but when I had our son, they seemed to disappear. This card showed me they were still there.
my message to mothers
Don’t get me wrong, being a step-parent is a difficult job, and when you add your own baby to the mix, there are going to be moments where not only are you confused, but so are the kids. But that’s okay, and that is to be expected. Take the pressure off; you will find your rhythm. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. When you sign up to become a stepmum, the judgment is already there, as we know. But as a mum, it is not. You are still you; you just have an even bigger family.