Motherhood at 45: the life we used to have
I wanted to share a bit about my journey as a mother, especially now that I’m approaching 45. I have an amazing free spirit; she is almost two and a half now and has suspected ADHD. She’s a whirlwind of energy and never slows down, even when she has another nursery cold. But some days, it really is just exhausting.
I do catch myself sometimes reminiscing about the lazy weekends pre-child and the adventures my husband and I enjoyed before parenthood. Those lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed, having a shower when I wanted, and taking lazy walks to the pub all feel like distant memories—maybe even a movie that I was once part of but not any more. My nervous system was so much more at ease back then; I didn’t seem to get cross at the smallest things, like my husband snoring! I sometimes feel that it’s almost like I’m grieving a life that once was. But having these thoughts makes me feel guilty because having our daughter wasn’t easy, and now I am imagining days when she wasn’t around.
What is it with that? My daily routine now comprises chasing after my daughter, navigating the chaos of Paw Patrol scattered across the floor, and unfinished conversations. I just don’t recognise this person in the mirror sometimes! And when she is finally in bed, there is always so much to do, such as actually eating! Washing so many clothes of my daughter’s, and that’s just one week’s worth! But with all this chaos, I remind myself of how many years of IVF we went through to get here - the disappointing one-line pregnancy tests and the heartache of avoiding Instagram so as not to see another friend announce they are expecting. I longed for so many years for our baby and watched everyone start a family while we waited for our miracle to arrive.
I think one of the toughest aspects of becoming a parent later in life is the adjustment it requires. My husband and I had established our routines, our way of life, and then a baby came along and changed everything. There’s no room for selfishness; it’s no longer about us. Spontaneous date nights or kid-free holidays are now a thing of the past. We are lucky if we get two hours of time together, and when we do, we just want to lie in front of the TV. We’ve had our turn, and we’ll have it again, but right now, it’s about giving our little girl the life she deserves - even if it means the coffee machine is on a lot more!
Message to other Mums
So, here’s a little reminder for you—and actually for me as I write this: you’re doing an incredible job, even if your to-do list feels daunting and your washing has taken up long-term residence in the dryer. Perfection isn’t our goal; we’re here to survive, thrive, and support each other - even when we feel a bit unhinged. In the grand scheme of things, we are fortunate to be navigating this journey, even if it’s hard to remember that sometimes. Every night, as I tuck my daughter in, my last words are often, “How did I get so lucky to have you?” I love how loving I have become and how I find so much joy in being a mum.