Birth Trauma
A year ago, my world changed dramatically when my son was born at just 33 weeks. At 42, I received the news during a placental abruption that sent me spiralling into a whirlwind of emotions. I vividly recall the panic as I called for an ambulance while at home alone. It was so early that I hadn’t even prepared a hospital bag or taken it out of the cupboard!
The emergency C-section that followed left me unconscious, and when I woke up, I discovered I was a mother, but my son was in another area needing monitoring. I didn’t get that fairy-tale moment we often see where a mum is handed her baby, or the dad, without a top on, does skin-to-skin while we all smile for a photograph. I wasn’t given the chance to be inseparable from my baby, and it felt horrible, lonely, and I was so weak. My baby was nowhere near me, and I was coping with the aftermath of a dramatic birth while trying to navigate the overwhelming experience of being a new mum who overthinks everything.
Those first moments felt surreal. Physically, I was okay, but emotionally, I faced a struggle. A numbness enveloped me as I tried to accept the reality of having this beautiful baby outside of me while I couldn’t be with him. My partner, who has kids from a previous relationship, didn’t take parental leave, which heightened my feelings of isolation. Every day, he juggled visits to the hospital, looking after the other kids, and work, leaving me feeling even more alone in the chaos of new motherhood. While he was supportive, I often felt like I was navigating this journey alone, but I didn’t dare voice my feelings, knowing he was carrying so much. Instead of focusing on my emotions, I worried about him.
About three and a half weeks later, I finally walked out of the hospital with my son. Over the following months, I worked to overcome the birth trauma and feelings of despair. I remind myself that my son is a true blessing. The thought of what could have happened during that turbulent time fills me with profound gratitude and love. Each day, I watch him grow into a little warrior, reminding me of life’s preciousness and deepening my love for him.
As time has gone by, I’ve realised that things do get easier for both of us. I’ve gradually returned to my daily routines, finding joy in work and reconnecting with friends. Those early months left me feeling lost, but I’ve rediscovered myself, and it’s been a healing experience.
Message to other mums
it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone in this. Embrace the tough times, and remember that they will pass. Lean on your support network, and don’t hesitate to seek help when you need it. Most importantly, cherish every moment, even the difficult ones, because they are all part of your unique story.