Mum Love and Motherkind, turning role confusion into support for every mum

Last week, I had an inspiring conversation with Zoe Blaskey, author of Motherkind about Mum Love, a passion project born from the raw, relatable experience of feeling lost after becoming a mother. What began as a quest for answers has evolved into a mission to ensure that every pregnant person and new parent understands that the shifts they feel are normal, named, and supported.

Matrescence describes the process of becoming a mother, the confusing, discombobulating cocktail of emotions that occurs when transitioning from woman to mother. This phrase, coined by Zoe, encapsulates the lived experience many new parents face: it’s not a single moment but a slow, messy remapping of identity, relationships, and daily life. When you lack the language for what you’re experiencing, you search for answers and often encounter clinical labels that don’t fit. 

Naming the experience of matrescence legitimises it and removes shame. Recognition helps individuals realise they’re not broken; they’re undergoing a developmental shift much like adolescence, where they are neither who they were nor fully who they will become.

This transformation can manifest as a sense of being lost or disconnected from your previous self, friction in relationships as roles and expectations change, and questions about work, identity, and ambition mixed with guilt or confusion. Many mothers experience mood swings, feelings of overwhelm, and discomfort in typical ‘mum’ spaces, often craving different kinds of connection.

Too often, individuals searching for answers to “what's wrong with me?” after childbirth encounter clinical definitions of postnatal depression. While these definitions are important, they overlook many mothers who aren't clinically depressed but instead grapple with profound identity loss. This phenomenon, often referred to as a new mum identity crisis, encapsulates the emotional and practical reshaping of identity that occurs during matrescence.

Statistics reveal that new mothers often face loneliness, feeling unrecognised as individuals outside of their maternal roles. The invisible mental load, the constant juggling of responsibilities, can exacerbate feelings of isolation and self-doubt.

Mum Love offers community-first support in a safe, non-commercial space where mothers can share genuine stories, helping others feel less alone. The tone is simple and compassionate, a warm hug rather than a sales pitch. 

Importantly, there’s no required data capture, ensuring a genuine community experience. Anonymised, trained AI support is available for those late-night moments when individuals need to talk through feelings of being lost or overwhelmed. This resource is crucial for addressing the postpartum identity crisis many new mums face.

Research underpins the project, with a survey and a collection of studies revealing that many pregnant women begin their identity journeys during pregnancy. Early findings suggest that postpartum identity loss is common, with many mothers experiencing a dip in their self-worth during the fourth trimester. 

Mum Love has also reached out to government channels, sharing proposals with health and social care teams, creating an exciting opportunity to discuss integrating this crucial support into official channels.

To respond practically, we encourage mothers to name their experiences - saying “I’m experiencing matrescence” normalises the feeling and makes it easier to explain to others. 

Hearing real-life accounts reduces isolation and validates feelings. Short reflective exercises, like writing to your pre-mother self or journaling daily anchors, can help reconnect with your sense of self. It’s also crucial to ask specifically for help, telling partners and colleagues exactly what you need, whether it’s practical tasks, time, or emotional support.

Mum Love is intentionally non-commercial, and maintaining credibility is crucial. While brand partnerships are possible, any collaboration must feel authentic and protect the community's trust, emphasising collective action over promotion. While all parents can experience role shifts, those coming from fast-paced, high-achievement backgrounds often feel the change most acutely - a sudden drop from high gear to a new, undefined pace. 

Mum Love aims to reach everyone but recognises the need for tailored resources across different experiences.

Calling this process matrescence transforms private bewilderment into a shared, named experience. As Zoe put it, it’s a “confusing, discombobulating cocktail of emotions”  - and once we name it, we can change the narrative from shame to understanding and from isolation to support.

In a world where motherhood can often feel isolating, Mum Love and Zoe Blaskey’s insights remind us that we are not alone in our struggles. By fostering a community of support and understanding, we can transform the experience of motherhood into one of connection and empowerment. The statistics surrounding postpartum mental health and the impact of identity loss underscore the urgent need for resources that validate the unique challenges faced by new mothers. If you’d like to learn more about Zoe’s journey or about Motherkind, visit Zoe’s website.