Absolute Chaos
As a first-time mum, I don’t think anyone truly prepares you for the chaos that is about to arrive. Here I am, navigating the overwhelming craziness of motherhood as a stay-at-home mum to my 16-month-old son. There are and were moments when I felt like I was teetering on the brink of exhaustion and stress, living in what seemed like an alternate reality. Lego scattered everywhere, another jumper covered in sick (or something just as bad) .
After he turned one, my sweet boy transformed into a whirlwind of energy and unpredictability. What I experienced was likely typical toddler behaviour, but it felt as if everything was happening all at once. My son, who had previously been calm and happy, became clingy and developed a penchant for tantrums he had a knack for stomping his feet and turning his face as red as possible at the drop of a hat.
I was shocked at how quickly he would get angry over the smallest things and things I could hardly predict that would or should upset him. Even something as small as throwing away a wrapper he then decided he wanted to keep, or taking just a few items out of the house for a quick trip to the shops, could trigger a full meltdown. Removing his shoes could lead to him throwing himself on the floor in protest. The meltdowns felt endless, and I often found myself in a tug-of-war over simple tasks, feeling more anxious by the day.
What’s so crazy is how well he behaved when we were out. He was friendly, charming, everything a parent hopes for. Yet, as soon as we stepped back into our home, it was as if a switch had flipped, and the chaos began, complete with mood swings.
I tried everything there were countless of strategies to manage his behaviour. I watched YouTube videos, scoured Facebook mum groups, and even consulted the nursery while having a massive cry on them. At one point, I adopted a tough love approach, removing toys or items he misused during his tantrums. It was a test; while it upset him, he eventually calmed down enough for us to read a few stories before bed. But once he was asleep, I felt an overwhelming guilt for taking that approach with my son.
There were days when he wouldn’t listen to anything I said. After losing his chance to go to the park (his absolute favourite place) he was furious. We tried moving him to another room to help him calm down, which had worked before, but now he had discovered the power of his little fists, making it increasingly difficult to manage his outbursts. We tried everything; diet, music, sensory activities, even breathing exercises.
It was tough to go from such a calm baby to this really angry toddler. The other week, while in a supermarket, I saw a slightly older child having a tantrum just like my son’s. In that moment, I realised I wasn’t alone in this journey; many other parents face similar challenges. I looked at the mum and winked at her, and she smiled back. Perhaps that’s all we need; to know we’re in this together.
It’s been exhausting, and I often feel like my resilience is completely drained. But I hold on to the belief that this is just a phase; a tough one, yes, but a phase nonetheless. I’ve learned the importance of seeking support. I reached out to other mums, sharing my experiences and listening to theirs. It helped to know I wasn’t alone and that others understood the struggles I was facing. I also made sure to carve out moments for myself, even if it was just a quiet minute in the bathroom to breathe and collect my thoughts. Ultimately, I’ve discovered that consistency in my approach is vital. I focus on acceptance, accepting that this challenging phase will pass.
Message to other mums
To anyone finding themselves in a similar situation: hold the line. It’s perfectly alright to feel overwhelmed. Seek support from friends or parenting groups, and remember to prioritise your own well-being. You’re doing your best, and this too shall pass.