1. Coccyx pain – the weight of the baby pushing down on your arse is mental towards the end of the third trimester
2. Varicose veins on your vagina – yes actual varicose veins on your labia, what the actual
3. Sausage feet – the swelling in your feet is unbearable. You’ll try an ice bath once then give up and resign to just being a puffy mess
4. Breathlessness – starts in the first trimester due to being whacked with a load of progesterone then it changes to your lungs literally being squashed by your growing baby. Awesome
5. Your placenta leaves a dinner plate sized womb in your uterus which takes at least 10 days to heal post birth. A DINNER PLATE
6. The pain of EVERYTHING in the third trimester / towards the end. Trying to bend over – hurts. Crossing your legs – hurts. Cutting your toe nails – impossible.
7. You really can’t see your vagina. You really do lose the ability to see your fanny, unless you’ve got a mirror. From about 24 weeks say goodbye to your flange
8. Night sweats. The amount of times I’ve woken up in the middle of the night in the third trimester thinking my waters have broken but really it’s just my massive belly and FUPA producing abnormal amounts of sweat. Too much
9. Heartburn. Yes this is talked about but not how savage it is. Nothing touches the sides. Gaviscon don’t even bother. You got to ride it out and it’s hell.
10. The constant urge to wee. Currently six times in a night, every two hours, is my personal record. The most joyous part of trimester three is going for a wee then leaving the house and needing another wee immediately.
11. Crazy heightened sense of smell – this may just be me but my smell is MENTAL. Everything smells so strong but mainly horrific smells. It’s too much
12. Really itchy armpits – this is unbearable, tormenting me to death
GET THIS BABY OUT
